Spiritual Growth: my self talk (part 2)

As you may remember, in week 2, we examine self-talk that supports or connects to our faulty beliefs and unhealthy thinking patterns.  As it relates to our spiritual growth, there are any number of negative ways we can engage but I think the one that undermines us the most connects with the message from week one - I must earn the love of God.

When we feel that we must earn love, it is very easy for us to also then struggle to accept that God will answer our prayers. It may even be harder to truly accept that good can come to us, whether we think we deserve it or not.

Have you found yourself pumped and energized in believing for breakthroughs, favor and miracles for others but then feeling real unconvinced when it comes to simple or even big things for yourself? 

Do you catch yourself saying… 

• It probably won’t happen for me.

• I don’t deserve it.

• I failed God.

• That’s too big (too much).

• My request isn’t important

Religion will tell you that that’s a lack of faith but I’m here to challenge that it may be less about your “faith” in God and more about how you see God and what He thinks about you. 

If any of this resonated with you… I challenge you to go back to the core messages from last week.

• Do you really believe that you are fully loved (with no conditions) and completely accepted?  

• Do you really believe that God is a good Father who has good plans for you?  

• Do you struggle with the notion that you are disqualified because of some condition, trespass or experience? 

The answers to these questions will reveal if your spiritual growth (or lack thereof) is deeper than just not enough faith.

Next week, we dive in on the truth and give you some affirmations that you can adapt into your daily language. #drgiasays #jesusplustherapy #intentionalliving #Christian #faithbasedbloggers #faithbasedcounseling #Christiantherapists

Spiritual Growth: my beliefs (part 1)

 Lemme remind you why this series exist...because setting goals is never enough. Without understanding the belief systems that feed behaviors, and even understanding how our emotions impact our behaviors, we are likely to continue to make futile attempts toward behavior change and end up frustrated! This is true for all types of desired behavioral changes, even those are tied to our spiritual health. 

I believe that we are tripartite beings, consisting of spirit, soul and body. If you are holistic in your approach to life, you’d also be aware that any part of our selves that is impacted is usually connected to the other.  Put simply your mind not only impactful your body but also your spirit and vice versa.. 

In April, our theme at #legacychurchglobal is Calvary and as I considered how to connect this series, I couldn’t help but recall how many times I hear people expressing a goal that ties to their faith. Side note, I am intentional to make space for people with differing beliefs understanding that not everyone shares my convictions but this month, the weeks will be specifically targeted to those whose faith aligns with traditional Judeo Christian heritage ✝️.

How many times have we set goals like:

• I want to read my Bible more;

• I want to pray more;

• I want to stop (insert sin, here);

• I want to have more faith.

And regardless of how we write out our intention, time passes and we are no closer to the goal. Now some can argue, the goals above are not SMART. Sure, but I also would challenge, what is the motive behind the goal? Digging a bit deeper, what are your beliefs about God? And how are those beliefs possibly impacting your movement toward achieving the goals.

Do you see God as 

• the punitive being who is keeping track of your sins and shortcomings waiting to punish you? 

• as distant and uncaring about the day to day of your life?

• The higher power that has conditions on his love, favor and goodness?

Without realizing how it happens, it is often true that many of us fall into the trap of setting spiritual goals from the belief of 

I must earn the love of God. 

And if this is underlying your goal setting, then you will burn out. Our spiritual growth should be driven by relationship and not obligation. During this week, even as we have just celebrated the very reason for our faith, I challenge you to ask yourself the hard questions and consider the limiting thoughts and beliefs that may be hindering your own spiritual growth and development.#drgiasays #Jesusplustherapy #digdeeper #goalsetting #Christianity #cbt #spiritualgrowth #faithbasedcounseling #christiantherapists

Life after Trauma: my habits (part 4)

Because shame flourishes in secret, on of the most effective action steps you can make is to find a place of safety so that you can #breakthesilence.

Now this may seem different than the other actions we have considered, but shame is insidious and it is broken when you can separate yourself from the thing that brings you shame. You know, to be able to say...

I struggle with this, but...I am more than my struggle.

This happened to me but...my traumatic experience doesn't define me.

I used to do this but...that's no longer characteristic of me.

For each one of those what comes after is super important to you finding freedom. Ultimately the idea is EXACTLY what we discussed last week.

🗣 You are more than your experience or your struggle.

So this week consider your places of safety?

*The place of safety could be found in the services of a mental health professional.

*A safe space can also be a community group for other individuals with a similar story or experience, eg Alcoholics Anonymous.

*A safe space can also be a person who will hear your story and not judge you. And yes, that can exist outside of a professional relationship.

There is no need to suffer or heal, in silence.

In fact, if you don’t have someone in your life for whom this is true then I recommend asking God to send someone. The village is so important to #lifeaftertrauma for both support and accountability. #drgiasays

Life after Trauma: my declarations (part 3)

Happy Monday. This week, we are still pressing into how we overcome, specifically as it relates to life after trauma. Of focus for this week... our declarations. We are changing our language and through this change, we are breaking out of the prison that shame may have had us in.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not encouraging delusional thinking or diminishing the weight of what you experienced. I know and respect that..

Yes, the experiences were horrific.

*

Yes, the scars are real.

*

Yes, you are still triggered.

but also you are still alive and because you are, there are opportunities for more.

So as difficult as some days will get, after you lean into your pain and have a good cry (or scream), I want you to get up, wash your face and speak to your self and your future.

say it with me:

🗣🗣

I'm alive and there's more. My future is bright. I live in joy!

*

I reject shame.

*

I will not allow shame to have a place in my life.

*

I am more than my experiences

*

Healing is a process and my journey is my own

Remember, the pain of now doesn't determine your future and you are more than even the sum of your experiences. #drgiasays #Jesusplustherapy #hope #renounceshame #joy #growth #overcomingtrauma #cbt #affirmations

Life after Trauma: my self talk (part 2)

This week's question reminds us to pay attention to our thoughts and self talk. We talked about self talk last month and some of the language that is hindering. This week, we explore some of the more popular cognitive distortions that would negatively impact us living whole lives after experiencing trauma.

Personalization. Do you find that you feel responsible for every single thing that happens to you? That's called personalization and it is unhealthy. The reality is, is that will never be true and certainly isn't true for whatever happened to you.

Emotional Reasoning. This occurs when you view your circumstances through the lens of your feelings. This is very easy to happen because feelings are pretty powerful. So if I feel worthless, then it must mean that I am worthless.

Shoulds. On the other hand, are you the person who beats yourself up because of "shoulds". You know, I SHOULD be past this by now. I SHOULD no longer be triggered. side note: Your journey is special and unique and you do yourself a disservice by putting arbitrary markers on it. Talk with your therapist about what are healthy goals and timeline that you can set for yourself.

Overgeneralization. Taking an isolated situation or situations and interpreting life based on the outcome or conditions of this situation. e.g. my friend betrayed my trust, therefore no one is trustworthy.

Labeling. The situation that occurs where we see or define ourselves based on a single characteristic. Something bad happened to me so I AM bad.

These are just some of the distortions that feed our self talk. It is important to identify them and next week, we will talk about specific ways to combat this. #drgiasays #Jesusplustherapy #digdeeper #lifeaftertrauma #cbt

Life after Trauma: my beliefs (part 1)

It is March and we are #diggingdeeper into life after trauma. You see, too often negative life experiences, whether occurring in childhood, adolescence or even adulthood become the entirety of our story rather than just an event in the story. To live free and whole, it is important to process traumatic experiences with a professional. Go get you a therapist, boo!! 💁‍♀️

This week, we will look at shame based thinking that is tied to these negative life experience. According to Dr Brené Brown, shame is an “intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.”

For too many of us, the direct or even indirect responses of those around us, in response to the traumatic experience causes us to be weighed down by shame. Unfortunately, in the days, months and years after the event(s) -reminders of the experience, can take you back, as if the experience was current. This is the act of being #triggered. Both the feelings attached to the original event and the act of being triggered can cause us to feel shame.

Shame is a prison and is debilitating because it attacks identity. Shame also causes us to feel stuck and despondent. When you think of the traumatic experience, what thoughts pop in your mind about yourself and your role in it? Ironically, recognizing these thoughts may cause even further shame, but please push through to journal and identify those unhealthy thoughts. It is important to identify these thought patterns as a first step...ultimately our goal is to replace them with healthier thoughts.

Here are some that I have found popularly come up.

I am broken.

It was my fault.

I am bad.

I am stupid.

Something is wrong with me.

📌 Today happens to be International Women's Day #IWD2021 and while there is nothing gender based about shame, in my experience growing up female (and sadly, religious) was rife for managing shame. So today in particular, I #ChooseToChallenge gender based shaming practices - body, marital status, clothing, hair, childfree or childless, violence survivor…whatever it is that the systems or people have made you feel less than about. Nah. we renounce it, today. Sis, be free and shine. ✨ #breakingthesilence

"They looked to Him and were radiant; Their faces will never blush in shame or confusion." Psalm 34:5 AMP #drgiasays #Jesusplustherapy #breakingthesilence #shamebasedthinking #cbt