Goals
About five years ago (July 2012)- I blogged about goals. you can find it here. It was really good as I re-read with fresh eyes, almost like someone else was writing..
“While I do not have a story (yet) about how I wrote out a goal and it was achieved (at least I don’t think so...), what I can say is that the minute I began writing down the goals, my next step was to add detail. It was second nature, without me even realizing it. Some of the ideas/goals that I had loosely formulated at various points in the past couple years just simply now required more detail.”
That piece was good. But it was what came after that jumped out at me. As I gave an example of a goal that I had, which in that moment called for further clarification and detail.
“Spend a year at home with each child from birth to his/her first birthday. This allows me to work from home, although not in excess of 20 hours per week and while I am off, I want to still make money. Specifically no less than $50k for that year.”
Now, lets fast forward another 15 or so months, It was (now) somewhere around May 2014. I had literally just returned to work post baby (the first one) and was lamenting about my disappointment with it. I knew I had to return but wasn't planning on setting up shop so was having lengthy chats with a life-coach friend.
I had fallen short by 3 months of the above-referenced goal, which in the grand scheme of things wasn't horrible. But what we were doing was setting some more goals to work toward. One goal was that I would leave the job. I was encouraged to be concrete and put dates to my goals and chose July 31. It would be my last day, I would go home and celebrate my daughter's first birthday- have her big splash that weekend and start August... fresh.
I don't recall what my post-resignation general plan was and I also don't know what happened to that plan, except it didn't happen. What did happen though, was that I buckled down and maximixed the disappointment. If I was going to stay in that place, I was gonna make the best out of it. By December or January... can't recall when, I had someone reach out and tell me about a job opportunity - I applied and by that April I was walking out.
It wasn't an academic appointment as a professor but it sounded like (as I hoped) a pretty amazing gig nonetheless. I would say that it was a dream job such that it was nonprofit work, I was in a position where I could make an impact, I had access to resources, and cha-ching...competitive compensation. It was a huge step up for me as I moved into more "managerial" work, although I managed programs more than a staff/people.
Now for those new to me. I went energetically after the Ph.D. because I love teaching tertiary level. I gained more skills and now love research so ultimately teaching full-time at a University has been on my radar for at least 10 years. The other perk of academia is the flexibility to build Homes of Hope and have some influence there as well, without being dependent on it financially.
I will be the first to tell you. I did NOT understand the move there. It was as left field as one could get. I didn't get it, but rolled with it. I figured 3-5 years, and then try the then College of The Bahamas, again. Well... lets bring this present day. It's July 31st. Not 2014 but 2017.
Its Daelyn's 4th birthday and it's my last day in this current capacity with the organization. It is still a dream job, especially since I was given the gift to dream, create and implement a program that is sooooo close to my heart but I do understand it was another stepping stone. A chapter in the book, although a short chapter.
You see, I needed to meet some folk, gain more exposure to local non-profits, and get some experience with developing, implementation and management of programs. I needed to see myself with greater responsibilities, as the "boss" that I am. Still struggling with Imposter Syndrome. I also needed to strengthen my backbone, tease out some fuzzy pieces to my story and needed some more processing. Yep, this chapter brought some interesting experiences, however, it was a worthy, enjoyable and necessary pit stop on my journey.
I begin as a full time, Assistant Professor of Psychology at the University of The Bahamas tomorrow. I should add... although not part-time work, this scenario gives me about 20 hours away from home, with good compensation, while getting the opportunity to spend the rest of the first year with my baby boy!! scroll up and re-read what my goal was back in 2012. Spend quality time with my babies during their first year of life. Managed to achieve that goal for baby #1, and well on my way to achieving for baby #2.
So, another transition. In the midst of one of my most trying, tiring, dare-I-say stressful seasons ever. I don't know what to expect. Adjustments usually come with some degree of stress so I guess... bring it on. I realize that my pit stop opened the door for some potential contract opportunities and I am happy to remain connected... for however long my path and theirs are running parallel.
So.. delayed goal? Wrong timing although correct date? I don't know. I know I have no regrets. I leave the position empty yet ironically very full. I gave and I received. I improved the programs and the organization while personally I grew.
In summary, my story reminds me (and you), to set your goals. Dream big. Take unplanned opportunities and give of yourself fully when you get them. Set boundaries but Ultimately learn, grow and connect. Keys to a fulfilling life.
Grace, peace and love,
r Gia
But that hurts
I'm a nursing mom and while there are many glorious benefits that accompany this, there are actually way more sacrifices.
My child is attached to me in ways that it is hard to explain. On one end, this is a crazy connection, in other ways it is a crazy connection. haha.
So the bonding is priceless, but this also means that many times, I am the only one to soothe or calm my now 5 month old. It has meant missed outings, decreased time alone, greater responsibility for the baby, because that means I'm generally the one feeding him... and a lot of times, everything else. And nothing against my husband, but he's not gonna fight me to "keep him", especially during those cranky-I-just-wanna-see-my-mommy-moments. (Stop it! Only me can judge him!)
Nursing my baby boy means less colds and sicknesses (or less severe) as his body shares the antibodies that my body have. Less issues with digestion, as very very rarely are babies unable to digest their mother's milk (as compared to formula). But it also means, cracked, sore and bleeding nipples. yep. at 5 months I still have had some issues from time to time. It means thinking about where I will feed him when we go out, because while he does take a bottle, he's very rarely going to take a bottle from me when he can have more direct nurturance. And even if he does take a bottle, I then have to find a place to pump... or I deal with uncomfortable and leaky boobs. And he hasn't gotten teeth yet.
Okay. I know. TMI. BUT nurturing a human can be very similiar to nurturing a dream or a goal realized. Many of us grab ahold of the reality that we need to push to bring it forth and then we all celebrate over the product. You got the promotion. You started the business or organization. You launched the product line. Somewhere in that celebration we forget... that the work has only just begun. And for many of us, God's best for us requires a number of additional sacrifices past the birthing.
Side note: those sacrifices aren't just for the purpose of keeping us miserable, but it is in the processing where we see the growth and maturity necessary to manage the vision. One thing to birth it. Another to nurture in the early days. And a massive feat to manage it in its maximized state or more accurately, to manage it through to its full potential.
So back to that sacrifice. It make look like you having to wake up at night, multiple times... while your partner sleeps. It may mean passing on what looks like "great" opportunities while you invest more of yourself in that dream. It may mean...the proverbial (or literal) blood, sweat and tears.
But don't give up.
The truth that is often downplayed is how lonely it can be when we are committed to seeing a dream (or goal) to fruition.
You see, I know there are other factors that contribute to healthy babies, but I also know that what my body produces is THE BEST I can offer my baby (by way of food). I also know that I don't have to. There are alternatives to feeding and meeting his basic nutritional needs. I wouldn't be bad if I chose those. Viable options. But I chose exclusive breastfeeding, because it is my personal conviction to do so. I expect no awards, special mentions but at the same time, it is lonely, super-tiring, and just plain ole plenty work. LOL. Some days I'm like... this is overrated and I'm moving on.
But something calls me back. I look at him, and realize that my small sacrifice means a better chance for him. Ultimately, I have determined that he is worth it. Then, I look at my daughter and I am reminded that it does end. I also look at my daughter and remember that it won't kill me... even though it feels near death in some moments of fatigue and overwhelmedness.
It's the same message for you as you go hard after that dream. Don't. lose. hope. It will get better. You will not die for the sacrifice. The pain is temporary. Look back at the previous challenge you already overcome to get where you are and be encouraged.
Dr Eric Thomas (motivational speaker) says
And finally, find support. I noted earlier that hubs isn't gonna fight me to keep him if he's cranky. Well, there have been times when he was cranky and I was too tired to perserve with him. Then D1 swoops in and is able to rock, soothe, comfort in a way I cannot because I am simply too exhausted.
Wait. That's not a good story. Don't let yourself get that exhausted too often. Find the balance in the sacrifice, just as I hand the baby over when he is fed. God's provision is not merely financial resources but human support, its just we often get so caught up in what we think the support should be/look like that we often time do not benefit as much as we can from those who have been sent.
Stay the course. Find your "why" and keep it ever before you, and you'll find the strength to make the "how".
Selah.
Grace, peace and love,
r Gia
The Red Blanket
The Red Blanket
Jones family travelled for our annual trip to my in-laws. It was a good time to be had by all in attendance, as usual. However, there were a couple moments that stand out to me more than others.
The first one occurred on the plane ride there. My daughter was a little cold and we had actually put her luggage through as checked since it was small and light enough to go in another bag. I should note that the blanket that stays in this particular piece of luggage (our carry on) is a delta blanket from a previous trip and this time, we found ourselves on Delta again. So I politely ask the Flight Attendant for a blanket. This request was honoured and in fact, she brought two blankets for us.
My daughter looks at the blankets in the plastic and says. “I don’t want it”
Me: “Aren’t you cold?”
Daelyn: No.
Me: But look at you, you ARE cold
Daelyn: I don’t want it. Its not MY blanket.
Me: But this is just like your blanket. And its new.
Daelyn: I don’t want it. pouty face
Eventually she accepted it but she clearly was not happy. I literally LOL’d after and fought to not laugh while I was speaking with her. I honestly couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t accept a brand new, red blanket. That looked exactly like her old, red blanket except it didn’t have fuzz and wasn’t washed out. That had me stumped. Tickled and amazed at the quirkiness of a 3 year old.
Then the moment passed and I watched it again in replay. And thought. Hmph. It wasn’t like she had some connection to the blanket. It stayed in that suitcase. Although, she may have thought it was the one that circulates for her nap time. Yes. We have 2…well now we have 4. Eek.
Okay. Back to my musings.
Before I get all high and mighty about the tantrums of a 3-soon-to-be-4-year-old. I had to ask myself --How many times, have I had the opportunity to get new and I opted not to. Or only VERY reluctantly accepted. Like, what am I holding onto from a previous season that has been (or needs to be) replaced because it serves little value now with the new things I have access to in the current season/position.
I’m not suggesting that everything is approached with “in with the new, out with the old” because sometimes, we still need the older version but even in those scenarios…the question ought to be … how long do we need to keep the older version. At some point, we need to let go. That point may look different depending on the transition.
If we get really simple. You get a new phone. Can’t be an iPhone because apple id would mean that everything is fully loaded once you log in. But you get some lesser brand of equipment (I kid….. not) and now you hold onto the old version, referencing it for phone numbers and chat/text history until all that information is transferred onto the new phone. Once its all there and you are comfortably using your new phone, what purpose is still walking around with the old phone? Its just a shell without a sim card. #purposeless
So as I look around… literally from things as simple as clothing to as deep as relationships. What has been removed or replaced that you are still holding dearly to? Are you like the 3-4 year old who unreasonably is clutching to something that is no longer available just for the sake of “its mine”? Are you holding onto something for the sake of memories?
A word of caution comes with this...
Don't cling so tightly to what is from your old season that your hands are full to receive the resources, gifts and blessings for the new.
Finally, --only because this came up in another not-so-random conversation. Be careful that you aren't holding onto something or someone because you have given it/them room or a space in your mind and heart that they should not have. You know...created a lil god out of it. I'll leave that right there...that's another post for another time.
Selah.
Grace, peace and love,
r Gia
#HOPE day
Close your eyes. Yep, you. Close your eyes.... Now, think about...bring to mind your greatest dream. Visualize it. It may be a secret... or it may be something you are always talking about and even currently working toward. Look at it. Engage the imagery a bit. Let your heart soar and be full in the moment.
ow I want you to just...
Selah.
Grace, peace and love,
Dr Gia