#HOPE day
Hope in community means allowing yourself to be open to be pruned, sharpened and corrected by those within the community that you trust and care about. It is not an easy process, but all involved in the sharpening process comes out "better".
Our hope for today is supported by the healthy connections we have engaged in and looking forward for others that we can be intentional about building or strengthening.
Grace, peace and love
r Gia
...on belonging
One of the greatest human needs, is love and belonging. I would say that at the core of this, is the fundamental comfort of being known and fully accepted once you are known. This belonging goes a bit deeper than having someone or somebodies who your name. (cue the song from Cheers, here)
Instead, to "be known" goes to the core of who you are. The fact that you bring meaning to someone else's life. You know, your presence matters. And you are free to be you.
And while this may sound like “blah blah blah”, if we think about many of what drives our actions… it is belonging or more accurately, avoiding rejection.
Last week I shared about knowing who I am. Being naturally shy (from as long as I have known myself), my longing to be known was a quiet one. It was one that I didn’t fully understand until very recently. I can recall in the past 2 years, singing a song “Finally found where I belong” and it was such a moment for me. Because it was then that I realized or could admit that while I am shy, and generally okay with not being most popular person in any environment, at a deeper level, I still yearned for a place where I was known. You see, the known place, is the place of belonging. It is the place of full acceptance. It is the place of safety and comfort.
Now, I still consider myself blessed because I have had this place amongst my family and sadly, there are many, who don’t even have this there. Or maybe they do but don’t really understand it, as Tyrone shared a bit of his story of hope through the gray areas (links at the end) which he says best describes his relationship of misunderstanding with his father growing up as a teenager.
But why I was crying was because I finally realized that one place of safety and acceptance was in my relationship with God.
You see, all of my life, I had to fight.
Nah, I didn’t have to fight, but I fought anyway. I bought into a lie and I made it my highest goal to do only what I thought was expected, being a “good girl”, never rocking the boat. It was an internal fight to keep up whatever facade I felt was needed to gain approval and acceptance. As I think back, I realize that I went even far as to sometimes dulling myself because I felt, subconsciously, that it would be better to not fully shine if that meant I kept my place of acceptance in whatever atmosphere I was in. I ultimately connected my value with being accepted.
But now it was different. I was learning more about myself and who I was and that I did not need to constantly apologize for who I am. That I could be loved and accepted, even when my opinion differed. That this shy introvert was made for much more than being the wallflower that I have made myself comfortable with. I started learning this about 12 years ago when I was enrolled in my first graduate degree; however, it wasn’t until recently that I fully grabbed it and stopped fighting. My masks started to slowly come off because I found myself in a space, amongst people who challenged me to be me. And get this, when I was me, it was okay. Does this mean I am immune from instances of rejection? no! But it does place me more securely in a position where my actions are not birthed from a place of fear. I also am more able to connect with others more intentionally and intimately.
Like I said, I have a supportive family. So I saw the benefits of “community” within the family system. Now I started to see the benefits of community within the wider social system. For me, this experience has been ongoing for awhile as I am fully involved in my church, Epic Church Bahamas. It is one of my safe spaces where I am challenged, loved and sharpened. I learn more about myself as I share myself, fully.
Once I accepted that I was ACCEPTABLE by God’s standards, and his seal of approval and unconditional love was forever inked on me…then I was free to now allow myself, to be myself.
Selah.
Grace, peace, and love,
r Gia
Who Are You?
Last week, I went to an event. Now normally, I’m the plan ahead, super organized woman but for this event, it was very last minute. And honestly, if I was to be honest, I will admit, that the past year or so, I’ve been juggling so many things that I feel my life is a constant deal-with-it-as-it-comes. I still haven’t figured out if that’s the season I am in, or if I need to cut-down on stuff. Anyhoo, I digress.
This event was on another island, and while the preparations to travel, car, etc was covered—I failed to ask the two persons participating in this event, if it was open to public and whether tickets were required. This crossed my mind as I jumped in the car and drove there. The requirement of tickets was CONFIRMED as I walked up to the door and was stopped and asked to present my tickets. :gulp:
Me; I don’t have one.
Security: oh, are you waiting on someone to bring it out? You can stand there with the others
Me: ummm, I don’t know if they have one for me.
Security: Oh! I’m sure they do. Just stand to the side and call them
Me: I did. I’m not getting an answer
Security: keep trying.
Honestly, I was already thinking of Plan B, which was how I was going to hang around conference center until a time when tickets were no longer required or alternately, until the event was over and be the first at the door to greet them upon exiting.
However, there was another opportunity…as I stood, twiddling with my phone, recognizing that my current efforts at trying to reach someone were fruitless, I looked around with a bit of defeat. I mean, I had travelled to another island for this event, right?
Within 5 minutes of the defeatist thoughts, a familiar face whooshes by. I knew she wouldn’t recognize me for a number of reasons, so I did what I normally would NEVER do. I reached out, touched her and referred to her by a name, that would instantly alert her to who I was. I should also note, that in that moment of flurry, I honestly blanked out to what her name was.
Me: “hey, cuz!”
Y.W.: “hi!” as she rushes off, with a “how are you?” almost in the wind.
Me: I good, but I came to support the kids but don’t have a ticket!
Y.W.: grabbing my hand. “Come, lets go!”
The following 5 minutes was a whirlwind of activity as I grabbed her hand, and tried my best to remain connected as we are weaved in and out of crowds. There were a couple points where we were briefly stopped, and I merely said.. “I’m with her!” which immediately removed the potential barrier.
Finally we arrived at the door., where she needs to leave me as she has a fairly big role to play and I cannot go where she is going. She starts to inform the ushers, and then gets confuddled (she, too probably couldn’t remember my name in the midst of all that was ahead)—so I helped her and introduced myself.
The usher’s response is what really caught me by surprise. I was immediately escorted to the front of the room with other dignitaries. I then indicate that my support was for a particular group so I was (happily) moved to the “other side” so I could be closer to them, nonetheless, seated in the front row, literally next to the podium.
I, of course, start to feel a bit self-conscious. Yikes. I’m in the front of this place…Did I remember to put on the lipstick? Is my hair fixed? Dress too short? Dress too casual? And then did what is so natural but also destructive…
I. looked. around.
I looked around and started comparing.
Oh, those ladies have on hosiery. She has on a cute pantsuit. They have a sweater/scarf on (I had on a sleeveless dress).
And in that moment, I went from the confident person coming to support, to a misfit. Feeling as if I didn’t belong.
But something happened that caused me to have to take a second look at myself. For the remainder of the time, I was treated as a (very) special guest. I got offered many of the perks that special guests got to the point, that they thought I should have been invited to the platform to speak/make a presentation. The coordinators “settled” for me being acknowledged by the Master of Ceremonies, and I politely gave the Queen’s wave, as is called for in situations like these.
As I sat, I chuckled to myself, because these people were not thrown by my hair, clothing, or lipstick (lack thereof). I represented an organization and carried a title that meant I had something of value to offer them.
That is what mattered.
I brought value to their experience.
I’ve chewed on Friday’s experience a couple times since then and realized that the chain of events were probably orchestrated to remind me of who I am. But not just who I am, but what I bring when I am in a conversation, a workgroup, an event, an organization.
The second lesson was that sometimes, when we have a goal…as mine was to attend the event and support my students, we must get out of our comfort zone. Do things that otherwise may not be our norm. I’m definitely not talking about immorality or law-breaking. But for me, it means stepping out of the shadows, where I generally comfortably reside and introducing myself. For ALL that I am. Because I have the capacity to increase the value in a situation. Every. single. time. The same holds true for you. We each bring something different yet meaningful to the spaces we reside. And until that is etched into my consciousness and yours, we will underserve the people and places where we have been positioned to influence.
Selah.
Grace, peace and love,
Dr Gia
#HOPE day
It's been screaming at me everywhere I turn. I can't -and will not- lived confined by limitations. I will not limit my actions to align with what someone thinks I should be doing or who they see me as. There is work to be done, work that I am uniquely equipped to execute and I will do it! I will be a faciltator of #hope and #healing. I will be active in building and restoring #communities, and in some instances, that may come through impacting one person at a time.
On this #hopeday, commit to being the #historymaker that you are. You, yep YOU. You were born to shine. We all are. We just have to find our space amongst the others. Finally, do NOT be threatened by the light emitted from another. As you can never feel/experience the impact of your own light. Just remind yourself, that your light is important, it is purposeful, and it is unique to you.
Oh! and by the way, the picture above advertises our Church's 8th anniversary...if you are available, join us!
Shine on.
Grace, peace and love
Dr. Gia
About transitions
Seasons; a time of new life events, changes, growth.
Journey with me for a second and allow me to set the stage and give you some real life experiences.
Secenario #1. You and your spouse have been saving and working toward obtaining a house for 10 years, and in what can only be described as an act of God, you get approved and eventually close on a house that is so much more than you even dreamed for. Not to mention, you got this amazing house at a price that is best described as a steal. As you just begin to process this blessing and enjoy it, you find out that your family is expanding in 9 months and at work, a major project that you were made for was just added to your portfolio. You literally go from “wow” to “wow” to “wow”. You know without a shadow of a doubt that this is your season!!!
Scenario #2: You have been hounded by a company in another country/state to come and work for them. You've declined a number of times because, well really, your current job is pretty cool. You decide to explore this new job offer after the company contacts you for the 3rd time and the offer blows you away. Literally everything is taken care of. The icing to this new amazing opportunity is that you purchase your dream vehicle and manage to close on a property acquisition all within two months time frame. Seriously, how much better could life get????? wow
Scenario #3. You begin night classes at the local college after being annoyed at your dead-end job. You then take a leap, seemingly silly, and apply AND get accepted to a great university where you will be engaged in a strong programme with leading professionals in the field. Furthermore, the school offers you a scholarship that covers 65% of your tuition costs. Fast forward 4 months later when you get the call to confirm you were selected for another scholarship that leaves you with less than 10% out of pocket fees. Before you blink, you have packed up your entire life, boarded a plane and now sitting looking out the apartment window thinking about the excitement of the first week of classes. Many times since you started packing until now, you have to literally pinch yourself to see if its real. Wow.
Amazing stories, right? I know.
But would you believe, that for every scenario, amidst the “wow” they experience, that the person is also struggling? Overwhelmed. Fatigued. And some other emotions that they have yet to identify. Everyone around them is still rejoicing and it feels like they are grieving.
If we are honest, It just seems to be a lot.
If you haven't experienced an "amazing" series of events or even one major transition, you may not get it. And honestly, those of us who have had similar seasons or transitions, oftentimes opt to ignore those feelings. Because, if we share that we are feeling something other than sheer joy....well, people may think we are just downright ungrateful. I mean really, why are you complaining? Your life is near perfect, right?
Yes. Yes it is pretty near perfect. But even in the midst of perfection what occured is change. And for every change in routine, transition, upgrade, promotion....there is a required adjustment. The adjustment means that what you have come to know..what you find comfortable, is no more. And even when that adjustment is for the better, the adjusting itself is many ways a hypothetical stretch. In the physical sense, stretching is healthy, increasing one's range of motion and should not hurt...however, stretching a muscle that has not been used for a while may result in some discomfort..maybe even pain. And in the hypothetical, what is occuring with transitions is stretching. Instead of range of motion, it is your horizon that has been widened. Your influence increased. Your opportunities multiplied. Similarly so have your responsibilities and expectations.
And this requires as much of a mental adjustment as it does physical changes. You will experience a myriad of feelings from excitement to trepidation, depending on the moment and the requirement of the moment. Take it in strides. You are creating a "new normal" and that is not always easy... at first. Give yourself a break. Allow yourself to feel the weight of what you left behind, while not loosing focus of what you are gaining.
Journal, pray, meditate. Talk with a trusted person, seek counsel (or a coach), find a new mentor. Create a new schedule, organize priority tasks. Again, take it in strides.
Finally, understand that the road ahead is littered with discomforts and not-so-perfect moments, but if you take a step back, you will re-gain the true perspective of the transition. It really is awesome. A blessing AND you were made for this. This is your time. You are able to handle whatever comes.
You can.
You will.
Because you must.
Afterall, what is life without growth.
Grace, peace and love,
Dr Gia