#HOPE Day
This month on #StoriesofHopewithDrGia and here on the blog, we talked a lot about death, loss and grieving... darkness [of the soul]. I feel it is important that we affirm the reality of pain, but also recognize that hope is real. Hope is also most helpful in those dark moments of pain.
It is the "thing" that gets you moving [forward], even if the movement is a slow, really tiny step. The goal is intentional, deliberate movement. The movement may just be waking up today and bathing, but that is movement and hope in action.
elah.
If you haven't had a chance to listen to any of the interviews on motherlessness from Zemi, check it out
YouTube: youtu.be/nM5x6WT4TdI (Part 1);
youtu.be/qVvVtFmStYY (Part 2)
OR if you prefer podcasts (soundcloud)
Podcasts: Part 1
#Be the hope: Death, loss and grieving
Death has a way of sucking the proverbial light from a space. For some it is a subtle shift but for many others, an aggressive thrust into darkness. What has been, is no longer now that that person (and yes, animals too) have left.
The darkness really symbolizes the void you feel with the newfound absence. If you ever want to throw your equilibrium off, change conditions where the people you love and who support you are not present and accessible; for example, moving. Now imagine the new scenario is forever (on this side of heaven). It is honestly unthinkable for many of us.
The thing about loss... and grief is that while there are overlaps in feelings experienced, e.g. Sadness, frustration, anger, resentment, emptiness, etc. Each experience is unique. You just cannot, and I repeat cannot completely understand the realities someone faces even if you experienced the same loss. As unique as you are, so are the dynamics and intricacies of your relationships. Your new normal may look similar, for example, waking up every single day post loss and filling the void... but again the details of those voids and how they are filled captures the uniqueness of the experience.
Death and grieving are the last things anyone wants to talk about and the very thought of someone we love losing someone they love is uncomfortable because really what do you do? What do you say?
I dare suggest that many times it's less about your words or actions, unless either is inconsiderate or unthoughtful. Rather it is about you being there, despite your discomfort... but because of theirs. You check in and check up, despite how it inconveniences you but because of the massive "inconvenience", death becomes. Despite your personal moments of confusion but because of theirs, you acknowledge that death sucks...but somehow, you know they will be able to make it through.
You want to be there, because of their pain. And also, because of their emptiness and loneliness--so in the smallest way, they know that they are not alone, even though they are. Ultimately, your presence and support can help them find the dim, yet present rays of light to penetrate the cloud cover of darkness. Because your support, however they prefer you to show it, can sometimes be a crutch for weak knees and palpitating hearts. Because despite how they show it or don't, pain from loss is real and the grieving process sucks.
I said "however they prefer for you to show it". That may be a quiet presence in the immediate days after loss. It may be someone to help distract, you know... "let's go for ice cream so I can get out the house." It may be accompanying them on errands as they prepare for funeral/memorial. It may be someone to text (or call) in the middle of the night when it's just. to. quiet. That call may be nothing more than you sitting listening to gut wrenching sobbing. And then, it may be giving them "space" to breathe but never being so far away that their whisper doesn't alert you to come back.
Final thoughts, grieving lasts more than 2 weeks, 2 months and sometimes even longer than 2 years. It's not yours, so don't devalue, dismiss or detract from it. Again, your support is important and it's less about the fact that you don't understand but you are there, because they don't...understand. You see, death rarely makes sense and sometimes for that alone, finding hope in it is hard. Ultimately for those of us that believe in Christ, He is our hope. But what I have outlined here are practical ways you can "be the hope". You know, how you, an ordinary person can facilitate hope(ing) during the grieving process due to death.
Check out a short clip from my conversation with Zemi on death and grieving.
YouTube (podcast): https://youtu.be/Buce6OZANkA
coming soon-#be the hope
#bethehope is a means to bring awareness to various (difficult) situations that characterize our human experience. It is also where I give practical tips for how you can be supportive. It is about how we journey with someone during those difficulties to help them find hope or where they have it, to help them keep hope alive. The #bethehope post will usually follow an interview, topic or theme that was featured on #storiesofhopewithDrGia
Stay tuned for #bethehope on death and grieving
Grace, peace and love
r Gia
#HOPE day
In the darkest of night, there is light from the stars. Sometimes, you just have to stare at the sky long enough to see it. You are never alone, forgotten or abandoned. Death robs us of loved ones, relationships, and sometimes pieces of our "future", but it is possible to find hope even in/through the grief. Keep looking.
Side note: If you have experienced a loss, you may want to check out the reflections from some guests on Stories of Hope. Here is the video
Grace, peace and love
Dr Gia
...About Growth
The question was put forth to me:
Does a seed grow because its purpose is to grow? Or because of contributing factors.
It was such a great question, that I thought I would blog about it.
When we think of a seed, we know that it is purposed to produce life. That’s inherent in it. The type of tree is dependent on the genetic characteristics of the seed. However, a seed in the wrong environment is just a seed.
I thought about the mustard seed I received as a gift a couple weeks ago. I stored it in a plastic bag. It’s still a seed. In that plastic bag, it will always only be a seed.
Growth is thus facilitated by the environment within which the seed is embedded, i.e. contributing factors. Without soil, water, sun, etc…there will be no growth. Furthermore, different seeds/plants require different things for growth.
You honestly can’t have one without the other. The other scenario would be providing a rock with tons of sunlight, water, rich soil, etc. The rock will not reproduce. No plant or flowers or anything will come out of your efforts, regardless of how consistent, passionate or expensive your investment.
Let’s bring this home. Each of us have a purpose. Its God-given and although there can be overlaps between persons and their callings; most of us carry something that is unique to us. There is a particular group, cause, experience that you are called to impact. All of your gifts and talents support this. For many of you, you are passionate about it and there is no denying the connection.
As I said, this purpose is given to each of us at birth. It is in me. In you. But without cultivation, that is, without the right experiences and environment…well, that purpose lies dormant.
There is a proverb:
“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.”
I believe this is one aspect of contributing factors. Being in healthy relationships, whether individual or community level, provides opportunities for your purpose to be realized and your gifts and talents to be honed. You will gain greater insight into your purpose, and support and motivation to live in it, within the right environment.
Each of us is a seed with the capacity for growth. Ensure you are embedded within the right environment so what’s in you can be nurtured and actualized.
Grace, peace and love,
r. Gia